30 is the same 30

I am currently rolling down the backside of 29 and despite any efforts to hit the brakes, I will propel through the last six months of my twenties and crash into my third decade here on earth at full speed.  They say thirty is the new twenty, but it’s not.  No colloquial phrase (or Jay Z lyric) will ease the notion of turning 30 or the effects of aging.  It’s just a statement intended to help those nearing the milestone feel better about the transition.  Here’s how I know:

While once viewed as somewhat acceptable, it’s now selfish to be selfish.

Okay, so maybe selfishness was never encouraged, but there was a little more leeway back in the day.  Throughout our teens and early twenties, it was expected that we’d do or try things that required putting ourselves first.  These were the formative years; times when we needed to follow our own instincts and explore opportunities that would lead us to discover who we really were.  Things like spending all our money on trips with friends or taking a few years off of school to get down to the bottom of what we really wanted to do with our lives. scared timon

While we must never lose sight of doing what is best for ourselves, these days, many of us have others to look out for – whether that be children, significant others, friends or society.  We’re no longer at the age where living solely with a “me mentality” is acceptable nor excusable.

With all the miles packed on over the years, your body now requires a little more TLC to keep moving forward.

Contrary to what our bodies had us believing back in college, living off a liquid + Ramen diet is a not sustainable approach to survival.  If we’re not careful, age will offer an assist in turning us into lightweights at dinner and heavyweights on the scale.  Time will never slow down, but our metabolism will, so we must take it upon ourselves to learn about our bodies’ needs and meet its demands.  Educate yourself on the necessary nutrients and vitamins to maintain a balanced lifestyle.

The second part of the equation is exercise.  You can eat all the natural, organic, Whole Foods items you want, but without keeping your body calibrated, you’ll end up in the shop much like the way your first car from high school always was.  If you work a desk job like me and sit for 8-10 hours a day, even exercise won’t be enough.  You’ve got to get up and move, every hour on the hour, so your body doesn’t get tricked into thinking it’s destined to stay put.

Life past 11 p.m. is nearly non-existent.

Back in college, I’d be getting ready to go out at 9, pre-gaming by 10 and rolling deep with my girls downtown by 11.  These days, I’m getting ready for bed at 9, PJ’ing by 10, and rolling the in Zzz’s by 11.  When I do somehow muster up the energy to make it out to a bar, I’m quickly left wondering what’s driving me to leave faster, the obnoxious, boisterous crowd or the warmth of my covers back home.  The past few years have taught me that fun is found in many forms and doesn’t always require an elaborate plan or celebration.  These days, the best nights are the ones followed by a manageable early morning.

You’re already halfway to retirement.

Split your age in half, and you’re back in the halls of high school without a worry in the world.  Although those days seem long ago, chances are many memories are still so fresh and emotions still so vivid.  Now, double your age, and you’re almost 60.  Will you be able to look back on your 30’s with memories still so clear?

You’re one day closer today to retirement than you were yesterday, and while the picture of freedom may seem enticing, it won’t be so pleasant if you don’t have the money to fulfill your post-career aspirations.  Start saving now, don’t wait until your next big birthday milestone!

Despite the early emergence of wrinkles and the occasional white hair, loss of eyesight, rough mornings and seemingly endless responsibilities associated with thirty, turns out, the transition may not be that bad after all.  You’ve finally reached a point where all your hard work has paid off and you’ve set the foundation for yourself, your family, or your future family.  You have a deeper understanding of and appreciation for the people that helped you to where you are today.  You have the ability to make your own choices and create your own destiny.  Sure, there are a lot of tough changes that go along with aging, but each birthday we celebrate is another opportunity to change the world, or at least our own.  Bring it on, thirty.

Friendships: the ones that last a lifetime, are the rare kind.

I remember spending hours perusing quotes as a teenager, hoping to find one that I spoke to me on some deep level that I could add to the then modern day version of a blog, my AIM profile.  Quotes about life, love and everything in between filled the small one-pager, amidst a multitude of random colors, font combos, squiggly asterisks and numerical word substitutions (insert:~*babii CC: 2 cute 2 be 4got10*~).

Back then, one of those quotes, “It’s not where you are but who you’re with that matters,” would have been followed up by initials of my closest friends, some of whom I am still fortunate enough to have in my life.  Unbeknownst to my teenaged, pimple-faced self, those words would still hold true, all these years later.

I recently had the privilege to stand by my best friend’s side as she married the love of her life.  The past two years since their engagement have been leading up to the memorable day but as I boarded that plane for the trip back south, a wave of emotion, twenty years in the making, hit me harder than the open bar.

True friendships, the ones that last a lifetime, are the rare kind.  I am so grateful for the relationships I’ve had since my early days, as well as for the ones built along the way.  Although not one to cry, I absolutely lost it sitting in the airport as I prepared to venture back South of the Dixie.  Spending a series of days with friends, family, and those that feel like family momentarily tricked me into thinking I missed the place I called home for the majority of my life.  The memories and bonds made in that town have always been, and will always be, with me wherever I am.  But while the scenery still looks (somewhat) familiar, and the experiences feel the same, everything is so different.  People have moved away, and lives have moved on, but this one weekend, with everyone back together, reminded me of the life and people that helped turn me into the person I am today.  I don’t miss “home,” I miss the feeling of content felt during the days in that place: the same as I experienced in the days of carefully crafted AIM away messages.

Life changes rapidly and we experience different milestones at varying times.   However, it’s those milestones that always bring us back together with our closest, far away friends.  Though easy to get caught in the tide, trips back to proverbial house that built me have a way of grounding me and reminding me of how fortunate I am – for the friends, family and experiences I’ve had, or maintained, throughout this journey through life.  And for that, I will be forever grateful – for the memories and the moments.  And for those I’m with, physically or in spirt, no matter where they may be.

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Post-grad guidelines: letter to my 22-year-old self

I honestly can’t fathom the fact that it’s been seven years since I walked across that University of South Carolina stage and took hold of my degree.  Time moves so quickly and seems to speed up even faster as each day passes.  This week marks a milestone for me, seven years since starting my career at Wireside (!), and with that, it only seems appropriate to reflect upon the lessons learned in these post-college years.  Looking back, here are some takeaways I have for my 22-year-old self.

Priorities will shift.  Right now, you’re straight out of the college gates, ready to tackle the world.  Slow down.  Focus.  Take time to explore your passions.  Many of the things that motivate you today will be mere memories in the days of tomorrow.  You don’t need to craft a game plan for the rest of your life, but you must make choices now that will keep you on the path you inevitably want to follow.  Connect with mentors that can guide you and watch you grow along the way.

Chances should be taken.  This one is tough for you, a person that feels most at ease in a safety net of the familiar.  But regret is a strong force, one that will serve up a constant reminder of moves you did not make.  Taking a leap of faith, no matter how difficult it may be, can turn out to be the best decision you’ve ever made.  Go against your internal grain and force yourself out of the comfort zone.

You’re unknowingly taking those you love for granted.  Although you’ve lost friends and family members, you still don’t fully grasp the true impact of loss.  As you grow, times will come when those close to you are no longer a part of your life here on earth.  And the stories of lives taken too soon, even those you don’t know personally, will touch you on a deeper level and help you to realize that not a moment in life should be taken for granted.  Every hug, every conversation, could be your last so embrace tightly and connect deeply.

Friendships will fade.  Not all of them.  Some will pass the test of time.  But others, the bonds you thought could never be broken, will prove to have been held together by a Velcro that slowly loses cohesiveness over time.  This will be a harsh realization, but it’s often a shift where no one is at fault.  Life will take you to different places and accelerate at different moments; you may not always be able to keep up with one another.  As you grow, you’ll learn that certain people were a part of your life at a certain time because that’s when you needed them, and they needed you, most.  They played a role in making you into the person you’re becoming and it is okay if they’re not by your side to see the final product.  You’ll carry a piece of them with you, always.  A friendship, even one that once seemed so strong but is now visible only in a stack of old photos, will still be an important friendship when you look back at your journey through life.

You’re in for an amazing adventure filled with limitless opportunities, unwavering love from those around you and unwritten storylines.  Just don’t sit back and enjoy the ride because you’re the one in the driver’s seat.

The Nearly-Wed for Fifty Years Game

One of my favorite bridal games is the take on “Newly Weds,” where a couple is asked a set of questions about themselves/their partners and then that expert knowledge is put to the test.  We played it recently at my best friend’s bridal shower and after nearly 10 years, it turns out the bride-to-be and her future husband know each other pretty well!

So, in honor of my parents’ upcoming anniversary this month, I thought it would be fun to see if they’ve learned a thing of two about each other after nearly half a century.

What’s the first thing you noticed about mom?

Dad: She was sitting at the bar, enjoying a drink (note: my mom didn’t drink).  And, she was cute.  I knew I had a shot because I had on a nice coat and my fancy pipe.  Her first words were I’d never go out with you.

What’s the first thing dad said he noticed about you?

Mom: That I was cute.  The first thing I noticed about him was his stupid fancy pipe sticking out of his jacket.  He thought he was something else but I showed him, told him I’d never go out with him! (46 years later…she sure showed him).

***

If you had a super power, what would it be?

Dad: I may be a superhero.  I could actually be Superman and no one could disprove me because they’ve never seen us in the same place at the same time.

Me: The question was super power, not super hero.

Dad: Then I’d be a Viking warrior.  Tap into my heritage (clearly, we were not understanding the question so it was time to move on).

If dad had a super power, what would it be?

Mom: He already has one…bullsh*t.  It’s his hidden talent.

***

If you were stranded on an island, what’s the one thing you’d bring?

Dad: A boat.

If dad were stranded on an island, what’s the one thing he’d bring?

Mom: Rum and cigarettes.

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If you were to cook one meal for mom, what would she want it to be?

Dad: Steak on the grill.

If dad were to cook you one meal, what would you want it to be?

Mom: Steak on the grill.  Anything else would be my last meal on earth.

***

If you were a dog, which breed would you be? 

Dad: I’d be a German Shepard; they’re smart, loyal, and tough.  Your mom would be a Cocker Spaniel because everyone loves Cocker Spaniels.

If dad were a dog, which breed would he say he was? 

Mom: Oh, he would definitely say he was a German Shepard because he thinks he’s smart, rough and tough and strong and that people are afraid of him.

***

Who wears the pants in the relationship?

Dad: I do.  But your mom will tell you differently.

Mom: Your dad.  I wear skirts and dresses.  Except one time he accidently wore MY pants to the gym so I don’t know what that says about him.  Dad (who pipes in from down the hall): Yeah, but they fit me so I don’t know what that says about you!

***

What would mom say is your most annoying habit?  What’s hers?

Dad: She’d say smoking.  For her it’s talking.

Mom: Smoking.  He’d say mine is griping about his smoking.

***

If mom could get rid of one thing of yours, what would it be?  What item that belongs to her would you want to get rid of?

Dad:  She would say my trains.  And for her, I’d want to eliminate her phone.

Me: But the phone is yours, too.

Dad:  No it’s not.  You think I ever get to use it living with her?

If you could get rid of one thing of dad’s, what would it be?  What item that belongs to you would he want to get rid of?

Mom: I would toss out his accordion!  He certainly would not say to get rid of “my boat,” the one he “bought for me” that I never use and he uses all the time.

***

Which one of you takes the longest to get ready?

Dad: Do I ever need to answer that?

Mom: Oh, that’s me.  He does not care if he has stripes, circles, polka dots, checks, plaids, stains or nothing!

***

Describe grandma and grandpa’s (mom’s parents) first impression of your using one of these cereal brands: a) Lucky Charms b) Wheaties c) Fruit Loop

Dad: It would be Cheerios.

Me: That’s not an option.

Dad: Oh.  Well it works best because I can sometimes be cheery.  But if I’m limited, I’ll have to go with Lucky Charms.

Describe grandma and grandpa’s first impression of dad using one of these cereal brands: a) Lucky Charms b) Wheaties c) Fruit Loop

Mom: It was definitely NOT Lucky Charms.

***

What is your favorite thing about mom after all these years?

Dad: I’d have to say her personality.

What would dad say his favorite thing about you is after all these years?

Mom: Probably that I keep his clothes clean.

Me: But earlier you said he doesn’t care if he has stains on his shirt.

Mom:  Ah, you’re right.  Then it’s because I give him food to eat.

This blushing bride of 46 years doesn’t even know how much her husband still adores her after all this time.  While it may not be apparent to some, the love is in the answers above.  Theirs is not a relationship that’s served as an inspiration to a Nicholas Sparks novel, but it is built upon mutual respect, admiration, protectiveness and most importantly, laughter.

Happy anniversary guys, I love you!

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Bridal Brigade: Showering our Bride with Love

All the planning, crafting and 57 lb suitcase carrying paid off during my best friend’s bridal shower. The party turned out better than we could have ever expected.

We hosted the shower at a local restaurant. It was a private setting and the staff was super to attentive to us the entire time – through set-up, during the event, and after it was over.  The layout was ideal, too.

Decor

Instead of spending money on decorations that would simply be tossed out after the event, or buying a gift from the registry, I decided to work/shop with a dual purpose in mind: make or purchase items that Diana could use for the wedding or in her future home.  Luckily, their house colors will be the same as the wedding colors!  We were also able to reuse a good chunk of the decor we bought for the bachelorette party.

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For the “What do you love most about our bride?” activity, we asked the groom to share five things he loves most about his bride-to-be (written on the black hearts).  Then each bridesmaid, along with the mother-of-the-bride and future mother-in-law, wrote one thing they love most about her.  Blank cards were available for guests to share their thoughts as well.
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Each guest was asked to share a bit of love advice for the soon-to-be newlywed couple.  Then, each week during the first year of their marriage, Matt and Di will be tasked with opening up one heart, reading the advice, and making it a point to abide by whatever that particular message guides them to do.

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The bottom of the gift table was lined with pictures of Di’s early years (and boy were there some gems in the collection!).

2015-07-25 13.21.39One of the bridesmaid put together this incredible wedding dress cupcake compilation.  Looks like something a culinary professional designed (with a heavy price tag).  She did such an amazing job on it.

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Some of the bridesmaids put together these awesome centerpieces as well.  The faux flowers were laid on a bed of diamonds and illuminated by a changing color light.

2015-07-25 15.49.31We brought back props from the bachelorette and set-up a photo booth that was put to good use.  The frame was a fun addition, but also something the couple will be able to use in their new home.

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Games

We kicked the party off with an ice breaker. Each guest was handed a card with a name on it – 1/2 of a famous couple.  They were tasked with finding their soulmate.  Of course, Matt and Diana cards were included!

ice breakerWhile everyone was eating, we played a round of bridal trivia.  Tables were broken up into teams of five and everyone had to compete in the categories of wedding songs, wedding movies and general wedding knowledge.  Ironically enough, it came down to a tie between the Mother-of-the-Bride and the future Mother-in-Law.  They had to duke it out over tie breaker Q’s about their son and daughter.  In the end, the MIL team brought home the prize.

Next up was the “Nearly Wed” game.  In advance of the party, we asked Matt to answer a few questions and then Diana had to guess his responses.  For each one wrong, the poor girl with lock jaw had to put another stick of bubble gum in her mouth (I’m a horrible friend).  Luckily she knows him pretty well after 10+ years!  We gave guests a copy of the questions so that they could play along, too.

The ladies also played a bridal scratch off and two lucky winners got to bring home a prize.  While the bride-to-be opened up gifts, guests had to follow along and mark off items from the gift registry Diana received that matched up to their cards.  The first two winners scored a Bath & Body Works candle.  Gift bows were handled off to one of Di’s ridiculously talented friends, who created this masterpiece (the groom even got in on the action):

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It was absolutely amazing day celebrating an even more amazing person. Can’t wait until we get to stand by this girl’s side!

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